From The Bruises Flowers Grow

Laura, 20.
In recovery from Bulimia.

I’ve been working all of this week and I now am ‘on holiday’ until 11th August. I have other things going on but I feel a bit drained and empty at the fact I haven’t got the structure (more like distraction) of work for such a long time. I’ve got 3 trips to the theatre, 3 sports events, a trip to the coast, and some voluntary conservation work planned but I still feel anxious at the thought of having nothing to do some days.
I’m very much burying my head in the sand but right now I haven’t time (as such) for a complete melt down. In fact, with Uni starting again after summer, I haven’t time for a breakdown now until 2015 - yeah, I’ll last that long (pfft).

painsomnia:

Fat. I’ve put on so much weight. It’s my own fault.

I look and feel disgusting.

today

coffeesunrises:

i have felt both
not enough 
and too much
for myself.

i am not sure
which is 
worse.

today

coffeesunrises:

i have felt both
not enough 
and too much
for myself.

i am not sure
which is 
worse.

painsomnia:

Fat. I’ve put on so much weight. It’s my own fault.

I look and feel disgusting.

mission-em-possible:

If you reblog this post and complete this survey, you’ll go in the draw to win a letter and package of NZ goodies from meeee!!! ;D image

Anybody at all can answer, I’d love as much input as possible! :) End date is 1 June. Will post ANYWHERE and yep, it’ll probably cost me a fortune. Have your say for the giveaway :D x

(via mission-em-possible-deactivated)

Nothing in the world scares me as much as bulimia. At some point the body will essentially eat of it’s own accord in order to save itself. It feels very much as if you are possessed. As if you have no will of your own but are in constant battle with your body and you are losing.
It wants to live - you want to die, you cannot both have your way and so bulimia creeps into the rift between you and your body and you go out of your mind with fear.
Starvation is incredibly frightening when it finally sets in with a vengeance and when it does - you are surprised. You hadn’t meant this, you say “wait, not this” and then it sucks you under and you drown.

—Marya Hornabacher ~ Wasted (via fragileminded)

I don’t know what’s happening. For a while things were ok. I think. Although I think I may have been suppressing some things.
Anyway, I hurt myself tonight for the first time in a while. Not severely. I feel somewhat unstable & I don’t know how to deal with it.